For Rainy Days.

Don’t be belittled by the hardships of life.
Face them head on. Attack them.
Tackle them to the bottomless pit.
Never underestimate who you are.
Never give yourself the inability to flourish.
You are your only set back. You are your own bully.
You are your own problem.
And, somehow you are your only solution.
Catch yourself. Be the safety net.
All the questions that go unanswered….
…The what ifs that invade your thoughts.
You have the remedy that will silence them all.
Look deeper, my love.
Because you are meant to bloom.
Even in the darkest days….

How many doses does it take to keep me sane?

I detest those who judge before they’ve tried.
Who’ve never taken a sweet pull of Mary.
Who’s never been given a home in their own mind.

She takes me to places I’ve never been before.
She relaxes. She clarifies. She understands.

Her scent so strong. Her bite so deep.

Mary. My dear Mary, thank you for always lifting me up.
For always telling me the sky’s the limit.
Never letting my feet touch the ground.
You’ve expanded my horizons.
I no longer have time to think inside the box.
My thoughts wander elsewhere in this universe.
You’ve taken me to different heights.
Let me explore every inch of my mind.
You have set me free.
I can’t imagine forever without you, Mary.

Iphone Plague.

I’m speaking but you’re not responsive.
I’m talking but you’re not listening.
I’m screaming but you’re not understanding.

I want to take that device and break it into tiny minuscule pieces
and shove them back in your pocket where it belongs.
The only thing lit up you should be fixated on, is my eyes.
Not the contraption in your hands.
Look at me!, I’ve dressed up all pretty for you.
My lips are bright red because I thought you wouldn’t mind staring at them for a change.
This deep jealousy rings through my heart and shoots out of my ears as fume.
Brightness shines on your face, head nods here and there to keep me satisfied.
To give ME a sense of fulfillment.(ha!)
So, I stop talking altogether and stare at the piece of crap in your hands.
What is it that I don’t have, that this iPhone does.
I’m sorry I can’t express my emotions as easily as the emojis in iMessage.
I’m sorry I can’t spell out statuses and rap lyrics for you like Facebook does.
I’m sorry I can’t do things to make you laugh like you do when you see Twitter.
I’m sorry I can’t stop time for you like Snapchat can.
I’m sorry you can’t put a filter on me like Instagram can.
I’m sorry I can’t be as much as they can for you.
But, give me a chance. For god sake would you look up at me?
It’s all for you!

Am I boring you?

I can feel the inch by inch space that begins to etch between us,
cutting us right down to the T.
I can feel those lips getting tired.
Gripped hands wanting more.
Oh, how I wish I could give you more of me.
I’ve given you everything. Every ounce of my being.
My cards are laid out flat. I’ve shown it all.
Yet, the deep desire burning in the pit of your stomach…
It isn’t fulfilled.
Our hands barely interlocked.
Conversations fading.
Silence falling amongst us.
My biggest fear would be that I wouldn’t be enough.
And here I am, laying bare wrapped in the warmth of white sheets.
Oh, how I miss those arms wrapped around my waist.
Your chin resting on my head. Your chest rising and falling against my back.
I lay there still on my side.
Listening to your snores disappear into the dark.
I lay still.

Reality

I watched you change before my eyes.
The sweetest girl I knew became the girl she feared the most.
I could see the hurt in your eyes, the flames of anger.

How I wish I could’ve been your escape. How I wish I could be enough.
Instead we climbed up to my window and let the smoke make a home in our lungs.
We coughed till our head felt fuzzy. And, laughed till our face went red.
We became numb. Filling voids with temporary happiness.
Happiness I wish could last forever.
But, like everything in life. That too came to an end.

And then I knew that day when you came to me, eyes filled with fear.
Tears streaming down your face. That there are only temporary escapes.
You have to face the demons some day.

I found you.

…
This love we talk about.
This love we want, we crave.
Real love.
I found in you.

When I let you kiss every inch of my body.
When I let my body succumb to yours.
I gave my all to you.
Stripped bare. Exposed.
Letting myself fall deeper in you.
Linking my soul to yours.

Endless chatter of wants and need.
Eyes lit up when you’d speak of goals.
Mesmerized by your beauty.
Thinking, how perfect a creation could possibly be.
How lucky am I to have loved someone so truthfully.
To be loved in return. How lucky am I..

The After math

So as we all know, heartbreak sucks. It really sucks. What feels as if it could last forever. This heart wrenching, stomach churning, mind boggling time period that seems as if it consumes your whole life. A time period that feels like forever. BUT, there comes a time people..there comes a time where the sobbing ends. Where you begin to get a glimpse of the bigger picture. Your skin begins to feel the warmth from the light at the end of the tunnel. And, if you’re not there yet, my love. Your epiphany is yet to come.

She failed to realize the biggest piece to the puzzle of my perplexed lifestyle wasn’t the man she was hoping to fall madly in love with. The missing piece was me. The end to all the tears and heartache was, me. She was the solution. Trifecta of sorts. She was the only one who could put an end to such a disastrous period of my life. The girl who had once lost herself amongst the pleasure and service of others had finally set down her foot. She withdrew herself from the negative and began to fill up with positivity. She was astonished, baffled at the fact that she was once this desperate miserable person. Little did she know, she was the fiercest of them all. The one girl who stood up for herself at one point became the smallest person of all. Whose tears would be wiped away night after night. When all she thought about was what she did wrong. When in fact, nothing was her fault. Her emotions were not her fault and most of all to want to be loved and to love, was not her fault. The universe wasn’t ready. It wasn’t able to handle the amount of love she was about to bring. So, what did it do? What life does best. A nice reality check to the face. A heartbreak, a heart throbbing late-night sobbing typical heartbreak. What seemed to be never ending soon came to an end. She proved herself wrong, she showed what it took to be confident. How picking up the shattered pieces she had left and making the most beautiful architectural piece that is her life. Though it is still under construction, the foundation is solid. She’s been through the worst of it. She’s accepted what has happened. She has forgave, she has understood, she has accepted. Like every woman is meant to do. But she has not forgotten. Because she will never forget the reason for it all. The scars that have finally started to heal. The bruises that have begun to fade. The stitches on her heart that still rip open. This is her drive. To never be defeated by one person. To never let anyone control your emotions. And, when the time is right. No, when you least expect it. The unexpected will happen. We all love a good mystery and she’s a walking novel. A quirky comedy, dark suspense, heart wrenching romance, and a kick ass action novel all in one. She treads with hope that someday the universe will be ready to release the greatest drug anyone could ever have.

Tell Me More.

I hate small talk. Tell me about how lonely you are or tell me about why you keep waking up in the morning or talk to me about your mom’s eyes and your dad’s laugh. I don’t care about the weather and you don’t care about how my job’s going.