Tell Me More.

I hate small talk. Tell me about how lonely you are or tell me about why you keep waking up in the morning or talk to me about your mom’s eyes and your dad’s laugh. I don’t care about the weather and you don’t care about how my job’s going.

No Negative Nancy’s.

Sometimes being positive can be the hardest thing to accomplish. Negative situations stick out everywhere. Whether it be in your social life, personal life, work life. Negativity surrounds us circling the entire globe. At times it can be very difficult to pull through a smile when all you want to do is dress like a bag and watch some stupid movie, with a stupid happy ending. But, it’s not all stupid. Though this negativity encircles us. We must pull through.

Just like you, theres people out there who feel lost. Just like you, theres people out there who just went through a terrible break up. Just like you, someones lost a loved one. Though times maybe difficult and it seems as if this will never end. It will. Time has taught me many things.. Being patient is one of them. You will get over it, you will move on.  These are things I told myself everyday after I had been victim to a terrible breakup or after I lost the love of my life or after I fell to an addiction. As bad as your story might be, as bad as you think you have it. You’ve got to wear your big girl panties or suit up and take charge of your life.

Time will not wait. You will get tired of crying, you will get tired of not knowing. So, think bigger ideas, think of a brighter path. As much as I’d love to come and shake each and every one of you, I can’t. Everything will be ok, I promise you that much.

With lots of Love,

Sophie

Being positive for all the negative Nancy’s‘s out there. 

As old memoirs resurface.

It was June 23rd to be exact when I’d seen you last. We weren’t together, we were meeting up as “friends”. So, I arrived on Jay Street-Metrotech in the hustle of Brooklyn. I waited in the same spot like every single time. This time it was different, it had been 4 months since I’d last seen you. I felt different. You arrived in your suit and tie, Dolce & Gabbana lingering in the air. You greeted me with warm hugs and sweet kisses. It didn’t feel right, all I felt was desire and lust. No love was to be found, just lust. I was used to it by now.

We boarded the train onto what would seem an endless journey into the suburbs of Long Island. You kept asking me if I missed you and I said, “yes”. Nothing about that statement was false. But, I knew at that moment that this was wrong. What I was doing was wrong. It was too late for me to turn back. I arrived at an all too familiar place where our “original plan” had submerged into your web of lies. We went back to your place, and it was all so familiar. Yet, so different. I sat on your couch in attempts of a light conversation. When, you lost control. You pushed and pushed me past my limit ignoring my pleas and various “no’s”. I finally escaped from under you in which you pummeled to your face. I stood on the other side of the room panting with fear. I had never seen this side of you. So much hunger in your eyes, saliva gathering at the corner of you lips. You rushed to my side reassuring me of your actions. Pleading that I understand how much you love me and how much I mean to you. And, the clothes began to shed and I let you have your way. Inside, I pleaded for it to stop but, words failed to escape my whimpering lips. I looked at the face that I loved and would’ve given the world for and failed to recognize it. Who are you? I finally began to plea and you shoved past it as if the world went mute. Tears formed at the corner of my eyes, that turned into sobs. I placed my hands over my face feeling ashamed. How could I? How could YOU? You Knew!

You turned over in attempts of comforting me and you were only met with my rejection. I searched for my clothes and covered what dignity I had left. I stated, “I want to go home, now”. You stood up abruptly and fixed yourself in the mirror. I sat in your car full of guilt. All this time I thought I was getting better, when things were just getting worse.

The voices inside my head were getting louder. It was all starting to get bad again.